I'm a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
I'm a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
Well, I heard so much about London
I decided to check it out

I wait in Leicester Square
with a come-hither look in my eye
And I'm leaning on Nelson's Column
but all I do is talk to the lime

Where do I get my cock sucked?
Where do I get my ass fucked?
I ain't got no money,
but I know where to put it every time

Well, I asked a young policeman
if he'd only lock me up for the night
And I got pigs in the farmyard,
some of them, some of them, they're alright
Well, he fucked me with his truncheon
and his helmet was way too tight

Where do I get my cock sucked?
Where do I get my ass fucked?
I ain't got no money,
but I know where to put it every time

I'm a lonesome schoolboy
from the other side of town