Thank you for the flowers
I threw them on the fire
And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed
GOD they were ugly children
So you're the little bastard of that brother of mine
Trying to trick a poor old woman
'Til I almost had a weakness

Last week Cousin Florence
Bit your Uncle Joe
Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork
(She) said that he looked like the devil
Then she said... " the vinegar," I'm beginning to think
(That) I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it
Though I almost had a weakness

It pains me to mention
These varicose concerns
While I have to tolerate you family jewels
I really mustn't grumble
('Cause) when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down
And you little swines will get nothing